Thursday, December 23, 2010

Day 30: Letter to Your Reflection in the Mirror

Dear Jenelle,
Your face is a little sunken, your hair is frizzy, and you haven't put on enough clothes to go outside...but you know what? That's ok. You are beautiful and you need to believe that.

I know sometimes it's hard--especially since knocking your tooth out, but you get a pretty tooth in 4 days and then you'll be as good as new. I know it's still going to be hard to consider yourself beautiful even when you have a tooth, even when you have your hair and makeup done, even when you're just as beautiful as everyone else. You have to remember, though, that God created you in His image and that he loves you and thinks you and His other children are the most beautiful creatures on Earth.

Also, you need to remember that aesthetic beauty is not the most important thing. You need to spend less time thinking about your looks and spend more time thinking about your relationships. Be beautiful to someone. Help a friend, smile at someone, genuinely listen to what people are saying to you--then you will be a beauty.

You are very smart, you are silly and cheerful, you are brave and responsible and capable to survive in this world. You also have a lot of help.

Don't forget to bring yourself up. Everything is ok. :D


Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Day 29: Letter to the Person You Want To Tell Everything to, But Are Too Afraid

Dear Mom,

We have been doing a lot better than we ever have been at being friends and I am proud of us. You still get on my nerves and times and I know I get on yours as well.

However, I will never be able to tell you everything and I know that, too. I will never tell you how terrified of you I was, though you think you already know. I am still afraid most of the time, but now I deal with it more effectively. I will never be able to tell you of mistakes I've made and things I've done--not in the past and not recently. I know you won't get me in trouble or whatever, but I know you won't look at me the same either. You'll be disappointed and angry and I won't be able to tell you anything again.

I will never be able to tell you how you've hurt me, though I know I've hurt you, too. You've broken my heart many times, but you should never know that.

I will never be able to tell you that I have wished myself out of your house more times than I can count.

I will never be able to tell you how often I wished I had another mother.

I will never be able to tell you how often I wished you would leave me alone.

I will never be able to tell you how afraid I was that you really would.

You weren't a bad mother and you still aren't. In fact, you've gotten much better since I was young. I've gotten to be a better daughter, I think, as well. Hopefully I have.

I don't mind not telling you these things. Some things are meant to be kept a secret--especially hurtful things that would have no benefit from being told.

Hopefully things continue to look up for us,

Day 28: Letter to Someone Who Changed Your Life

Dear Doug and Susie,

Let me begin by thanking you again from the bottom of my heart for handing me this job in a time where jobs are harder to come by than apples on a cornstalk. You have blessed all of your employees with a great, fun job in which we can truly relate to each other as friends and coworkers. Thank you for hiring us even though most of us had no experience. Thank you for hiring us even though we all already know each other. Thank you for hiring us. Thank you.

You are such wonderful people. Your children are such fun to be around. As a sort-of member of your family for a year, I am so fond of all the kids. I love that you play with them and encourage them to be creative and problem solve.

Doug, you have provided me with so many opportunities for growth that I never would have had otherwise. You were the first to offer me a place on stage at church. You were the first to offer me a place to go if I ever needed it. You were the first to offer me a job. I am so grateful to have you in my life. God really did use you to change me.

Susie, you are a hero. 5 kids, a business, a house to clean, pets, church, bands, choirs, sports...I can literally continue this list for a great deal of time. I will never know how you manage to be cheerful and bright all the time after completing so many tasks each day. You made me feel comfortable in your home, dating your son. I never felt judged or worried of what you might think. I look up to you a lot as a mother--you are loving and caring, but strong and persistent in rearing your children.

You two have played a gigantic role in molding me (and the rest of the youth leaders and young adults in the area) into the person I am today. I appreciate you guys for all your hard work and big ideas.

Thank you again.

Day 27: Letter To The Friendliest Person You Only Knew For One Day

I guess we met on a few occasions, but the one I really remember is when we were spending the night for Aubrey's birthday. You were very friendly and very welcoming. You seemed genuinely interested in me and I felt comfortable, even in a place where I was a stranger to most.

You asked Bryan and I not to sleep next to each other, which would usually have been uncomfortable, but wasn't. You truly had our best interests in mind, and I appreciate that. I am so glad Bryan was with someone as cheerful, friendly, and fun as you for the summer. Thank you for everything you've done for him. I know he thinks fondly of you, and so do I.


Day 26: Letter to the Last Person You Made A Pinky Promise To

I'm not sure who it was, but...

I'm not sure you were the last person I pinky promised, and if it was, I don't know what we pinky promised.

I love you, good day.


Day 25: Letter To The Person You Know Is Going Through The Worst Of Times

Dear Yasi,
Look up, girl. You can see the sky from here. Even though you feel like it's a billion miles away, reach out your hands and try to grab it.

You are going through a lot. Your family isn't quite as understanding as you'd like, your boyfriend sometimes isn't either. You are a bit hard on yourself, but you always look to improve yourself. I love you, girl. You are strong and willful and wonderful. You are beautiful and talented and so openhearted I can't even begin to describe.

Because you are so sympathetic to people, I can imagine your feelings are a roller coaster all day, every day. I am proud of you for always keeping yourself together when you have to and always letting it out when you should. I know you think you don't have a right to be sad, but you have the exact same rights everyone else does. You aren't any less than anyone else. I mean it.

I know sometimes it seems that you won't be able to make it through this and that sometimes you feel like this funk will last forever. Don't lose hope. God knows your mother's heart. He knows your sister's and your father's heart, too. But you know what? He knows yours just as well. He knows that you want to be loved and cared for and that you want to love and care for others. He will grant you these things.

I am always here for you. I know it's hard now, but it will get better. :)

Praying for you.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Day 24: Letter to the Person Who Gave You Your Favorite Memory

Clearly I am failing the 30 Day Letter Challenge, but whatever. This is for me anyway and I'll at least try to finish it.

Dear Bryan,

I had a lot of trouble with this letter. It took me weeks and weeks to get the drive to write it. I didn't want to sift through all my memories to find my favorite and then ask who gave it to me. But you know what? I don't have to. I know that I am always happiest when I'm with you. You work hard to make me happy and I work to make you happy too. Every time you tell me that you want to marry me, my heart flutters and skips a beat. You are romantic, but practical. You are a real-life Prince Charming, but you are sincere as well as suave.

There is a scene in the last Glee (yes, the Britney Spears one) where Rachel is worried that her boyfriend Finn is going to leave her for the cheerleaders she knows he can get if he wanted to without even trying. The girls are talking to him by his locker and she feels this sense of an impending breakup, but just as you start to worry about them, Finn looks up and sees Rachel standing by her locker and he gets the biggest, most beautiful smile on his face. He walks over to her and grabs her hand and they walk away together.

The only difference in this is that I am not worried that you will break up with me for someone else. Not even a little. It's not that I'm cocky, it's that I know that you can have any girl you want, but you chose me. I trust your decision, even though sometimes I feel that I don't deserve you. I know that no matter what I feel like, you're going to look at me in the eyes, smile, and take my hand because you love me. That's all there is.

So yes, even though it's vague and general and not very interesting, this letter goes to you for every second we spend together.

I love you.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Day 23: Letter to The Last Person You Kissed


You are wonderful and I love you so much. You really do mean everything to me.

When you kiss me, I feel beautiful. I feel wanted and loved and amazing. I hope I can do the same for you when I kiss you. I want you to feel how handsome you are when I kiss you. I want you to feel how smart and witty and clever you are. I want you to feel how much I love you, from the top of your head to the tip of your toes.


Thursday, September 2, 2010

Wednesday, September 1, 2010


I think I'm all caught up. I'll try to be more organized from now on.

I got comments saying that it's preferred that I elaborate when I can. These letters are what I'd say to these people and in general, I send them to the person. However, if you as the reader are curious, please ask about what you'd like to know. I am an open book and unless it involves someone else's secret, I will always be willing to elaborate. :)

Thank you for following me. Ironically, I made this particular blog for the things just for me, but I have another blog, that is more blog-ish.


Day 21: Someone You Judged By Their First Impression


Isn't it interesting to see how far we've come? When you first came to the church, I wanted you out. I truly felt like you were just an arrogant, power hungry boy, just out of high school, looking to tell others what they were doing wrong. You came in and you changed a lot of things, most of which I didn't agree with. I felt like you never asked before doing things and you didn't follow the rules.

Now, however, I actually really enjoy having you in our youth group. I don't feel any of those things anymore. Once we talked everything out and I relayed my concerns to you, you took them into consideration and changed your approach with me and some of the other youth. I like that when I talk to you, you don't throw my ideas out the window. You give them consideration and a well-thought-out answer or action.

When I need something, rather than worry about it, I know I can ask you or at least discuss it. I like that you're always busy, but never too busy for someone if they need to talk.

I don't really have much else to say. I feel like we've already been over everything. I'm glad you're at GCCC, and I hope you stay.


Day 20: Letter To The One Who Broke Your Heart The Hardest


You have always been my best friend and I keep hoping you will come back and resume your role in my life. You have always been there when I needed you and you have always loved me for who I am. You make me laugh and I never had a reason to be truly unhappy as long as you were my best friend. You helped me through the hardest two years of my life--junior high--and, in fact, every year before (first day of kindergarten friends) and most of the years after that.

I like that we never fought over a boy. We always had a crush on the same guy and never did a thing about it. We would swoon and write notes and draw pictures, just like any other "love struck" junior high girl would. We fantasized about That Guy and when he would come ask us to Be His Girlfriend. We were so ridiculous, but I loved every second of it. We spent hours being silly, making ridiculous improvs and diagrams of stupid things. Our abs were always rock solid from laughing so hard for hours and hours every single day. You and I literally lived at the other's house half the time growing up. My parents miss you as much as I do.

When you started dating Kyle, I was very upset. He is not good enough for you and I'm not just saying that because I think no one is. Of all the stupid boys you could have picked, why you picked the most ill-equipped I'll never know. And why you chose him over all your other friends, including me, I'll never understand. You took his side in everything without using that beautiful brain God gave to you. You don't see him using you or taking advantage of you. He doesn't have a job. He quit the best job he could have gotten. He's not going to a real school. He makes you drive everywhere and he makes you do all the work in the relationship. He doesn't even do cute things for you. What on earth do you see in this slob? He doesn't push you to go to church--in fact, you haven't gone once in almost a year. He doesn't push you to be a better person or see your friends. I think he's doing what Frank did to me: said "Go spend time with Megan!" but got all butthurt and lonely whenever I did, so I stopped trying with you.

You are hurting everyone around you. No one likes him. Not even his own brothers like him. Your family is breaking because he is the chisel and you keep trying to pound him into your family, thinking he'll bind everyone together instead of fracturing yourself from the rest. Your friends have holes in them from where you ripped yourself away. Every conversation we have ends up with you in it. We miss you. Come back.

I am glad to see that you are slightly coming back. Or hear, rather, for you haven't shown me this in the least. You won't really talk to me because you are too afraid of how I feel about your stupid boyfriend. I'm not going to change until he turns into the Prince Charming you deserve. If you're going to have to settle for something less, don't go all the way to the bottom and settle for a frog like him. I only say this because I love you and I want the best for you. I probably won't send this to you like I have most of the others because I have already beat this dead horse and you know exactly how I feel. I don't need to reiterate again.

I love you. I mailed you something.

Day 19: Letter to Someone That Pesters Your Mind—Good or Bad

Dear Mrs. Beard,

I think about you a lot. You changed my life more than anyone else in the world, let alone any teachers. I could not have asked for a better English teacher my sophomore year. The only person who competes with you for my favorite is Mr. Bogard, but you two are in such different categories you are incomparable. You made me laugh every day. You made fun of Cesar and me until we nearly wet our pants, which sticks with me even to this day. I love hanging out with you because you really did become one of my best friends for a long time.

Thank you for letting me hang out in your classroom all those days. I was in a bad place when Megan decided not to be my friend anymore and you gave me a place to go when I had none. You encouraged me when I was down, debated me whenever, and let me find answers to my own questions in my own time. You have played a huge role in guiding me to the place in which I sit today.

Thank you for teaching me so well. When I don't know what a word means, 9.5 times out of 10 I can figure it out by considering the Latin and Greek roots you taught us. They were a pain while we did them, but now they come in really handy. Thank you for making us take a critical look at literature. You trained my eye to the things I would not otherwise have seen. Not only did you prepare me for Mr. Bogard's class, you prepared me for what I hope will be my career. I want to be as good a teacher as you and I want my kids to look up to me as much as I look up to you. You inspire me to greatness.

I think about you a lot, especially when I write or consider my future. I know I'm not as good a writer as I should be, but I am much better than I would be if not for you. You kicked my butt and were a harsh critic, but I know that's only because I was/am lazy and you knew/know it. I miss seeing you and I'm sad you left the high school. I wish everything had been easier at the other one, but sometimes that's just not the way things work out. I am sorry for that. I wish I could see you more often. It's just that some of the people you hang out with make me uncomfortable. Maybe you, Cesar and I could go do something one day. I think that would be fun.

I really look up to you. I want you to know that.


Day 18: Letter to the Person You Wish You Could Be


I'll bet you didn't think I'd choose you for this letter, but that's too dang bad. I have always sort of wanted to be like you. You're caring and loving. You're more confident than I am and more comfortable being affectionate. Mom has always liked you and so has everyone else. I am sorry I was mean to you. I don't know how many times I'll need to say that, but I mean it every time.

You are so talented. You can sing and dance and take awesome pictures. You are amazing on both sides of the camera, in fact. You aren't afraid to try new things and you don't mind having to work to learn about the things you like.

You are beautiful. You have a beautiful face and a lovely figure. You can pull off a lot of different styles and you are good at choosing clothes that flatter you. You follow trends and are girly, but not so girly that you can't go hiking or something adventurous.

You are very encouraging. I know that if I'm having a crappy day I can talk to you and you'll make me feel better. In that way I sometimes feel like you are the older sister. You know what to say to make me happy, but also to keep me realistic. You put up with me when I feel like pestering you and you pester me when you know I feel like playing (secretly), like in Yosemite. You cracked me up. I loved making inappropriate shadow puppets with you, haha. And gassing you out of the tent (almost ;) ). You color My Little Ponies with me and you help me with my insecurities at the same time. I like that.

I hope this year is really good for you. I know you sort of look up to me, but you also have to be open to the fact that I'm not perfect. However, learn from as many of my mistakes as you can. Trust me, it saves a lot of trouble.


Day 17: Letter To Someone From Your Childhood


We have been neighbors since forever. I was four when you moved in across the street and we were always "sort-of-friends". I have always been a little uncomfortable around you because you have always been so much more outgoing than I am. You were not adverse to kissing my cheek or yelling when you got excited, things which I was never fully comfortable with. You were slightly gullible and very high-maintenance growing up. You believed in Santa Clause, which, of course, most kids do. I was one of those horrible children who tell kids like you the truth about Santa.

We grew up and apart, naturally. There was never a falling-out of any kind or anything. In fact, I wish you no ill-will at all. I think you are neat and beautiful and very adventurous, all wonderful qualities. I just believe that we were always meant to be "sort-of-friends" and nothing more.

While you dated my cousin, I always felt ambivalent about it. I thought you two were good for each other, but I also felt a little trepidation at where you guys would go relationship-wise. Would you have sex? Would you be engaged? Would you get married? Thankfully, you didn't get any farther than sex (which was too far in my opinion) and sadly broke up. I don't know why you did, but I think it was mostly for the better.

Now, though, I don't know what happened to you. All of a sudden I am hearing these things about you that are so unbelievable I can't even listen. I won't bring it up with you because it isn't any of my business anymore, but I really hope they aren't true. I want you to be little Destinee who fights with me over Nick Carter or the little Destinee who falls off her bike and bleeds all over my house. I don't want you to be the Destinee I hear about.

You are a bright, shining person. You have always had the ability and the drive to go to college and succeed and I truly hope you do. You can pretty much write your own ticket if you ever figure your stuff out. I hope you do. I really do.

If you need anything, give me a call.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Day 16: Letter To Someone That's Not In Your State/Country


We haven't spoken much, but I really look up to you. You are everything I have ever wanted to be. You are in charge of your own life as much as anyone can be. Even your hair obeys your every command. In fact, even MY hair obeys your commands.

You are funny and outgoing. You get along with everyone I have seen you come into contact with. I am always nervous when you come down because I don't want to screw anything up and I feel the need to impress you, but as soon as I start talking to you, I immediately relax. You have that effect on people, whether you know it or not. You make people feel at ease and important. I think that's one of the many reasons you will be/are a good foster mom. You and Tim are such great people and one of the most inspiring couples I've ever met. You compliment each other so well and I really look up to you.

Christian is very lucky to have you and I know that you will change his life, even if he doesn't remember your time with him specifically. God is using your open hearts to change people and you have opened your home to a stranger's child. I hope God uses him to change you as much as you change him.

I wish we could talk more, because I really do like you and Tim a lot. I enjoyed working with you before the wedding and I just love when you come down. You are the most sunshiny person I know.


Monday, August 30, 2010

Day 15: Letter to the Person You Miss The Most


I miss you. Come back home. It kills me that you're gone.

When people say your name or ask where you are, it kills me a little.


Day 14: Letter to Someone You Drifted Away From


I actually only just remembered that we were close friends during summer school. You actually helped me through a really rough time in my life, but I don't think you know that. Because I never said it, I really want to take this time to thank you.

At the beginning of summer school, I knew I was in trouble. I didn't have any friends and I'm shy as it is. I don't remember the details of the first days, but I know that Megan wasn't talking to me and she wasn't in my class and I was scared to be alone for the next however many weeks.

I don't know who approached who and I don't remember how it started, but I do remember that I was very thankful for--and a little intimidated by--you. You listened with an impartial ear to whatever problems I had that day and you never seemed too annoyed. You introduced me to new music (including my favorite from that time on, Les Miserables the musical) and new ideas. Best of all, you opened up to me, too, and didn't make me feel like a huge dork like I usually do. For that I am the most grateful.

I am actually pretty sad that we don't talk anymore. We talked a bit in the times following that summer and were sort of on the threshold of being close a few times, but we never really caved and became good friends. I want you to be aware that if you need anything at all, even if it's random, I am still here and I will do my best to cave this time. 

I actually really look up to you. You carry yourself as a confident, intelligent, fashionable young woman who has her shit together. I envy those things in you. You always look great and you are one of the smartest people I know. I just think you're neat.

Make right choices. You have every single tool you could possibly have to help you succeed.


Day 13: Letter to Someone You Wish You Could Forgive

To My Cousin:

I suppose this letter should go to someone else, because I actually have forgiven you. But I am writing this to you because I will never forget and what you did changed our relationship forever. I am sad that we can't be friends anymore, but I do wish you the best.

I hope everything works out with you where you are. I hope the baby changes you and makes you want to be a better, more responsible person. I hope you take care of her and nurture her and protect her. Be good to her because you are there with her for a reason.

I wish things had played out differently. If I had just slept in the other room...If only I had been stronger...If only you had listened...

Oh well. It doesn't matter now. Things played out the way they did and I just hope that it was meant to be that way because it changed us for the better.

Good luck and smooth sailing.

Day 12: Letter to The Person You Hate The Most

Warning: This may get ugly.

Dear Dickhead.
Get out. I do not want you near her. I do not want to hear your name spoken ever again. I do not like you. I do not tolerate you. You are the scum of the earth. You will not survive where you are. I actually hope you succeed and are taken away forever to some distant place, far away from her. Get your slithering appendages away or I will remove that burden from your body. Do not touch her. Do not talk to her. Do not say her name and ESPECIALLY do not call her pet names. You make me sick. When I think about you, I am immediately filled with such a rage as I have never felt before.

I wish you didn't have such control over me, and that is something I'm working on. In the Bible, it mentions that if you hate someone, it's the same as killing them. Well, in your case, right now I feel like it's worth it. Just saying. You are the worst of the worst and I will never like you. I will eventually forgive you, but that would involve you going away and stop doing what it is I need to forgive you for. You are an evil son of a bitch and your parents clearly did a horrible job with you and your dick brother. What she sees in you I will never know.

I know in my heart that you are a liar and a cheat. You come in to our lives and rape, steal, and pillage anything that you can. If I had my way, you wouldn't even be able to write or send letters. In fact, you probably wouldn't have hands if I had it my way. I don't want you touching her like you touched all those others. You are filthy and I spit on you.


Friday, August 27, 2010

Day 11: Letter To A Deceased Person You Wish You Could Talk To


How strange to talk directly to you after years of avoiding it. How I regret that. I realize now that you are a lot like my dad, or rather, that my dad is a lot like you. Very technical, mechanical, and detailed, both of you are extremely prone to have long, long conversations. But that's ok. I'm learning to understand you better through your son. I'll bet you're proud of him.

I wonder sometimes if you have regrets about your life. I wonder how often you thought of that time of just hardly being--that time no one really talks about. I wonder how you found Jesus and how you and Yaya lived together. I cry thinking about her and her loss of you, you know. She misses you. We all do.

What makes me sick about myself is that I never really noticed you. You were always, always there. You were there with a smile and a hug and stories to tell, but I never understood that you actually loved us. You were mechanical beyond my understanding and I could never follow all the details of your stories, but you put them in there because you wanted me to understand. Come to think of it, I can't really remember a story that you told me. I am so guilty of ignoring you. I can never begin to describe how sorry I am for that.

When they read that story you and a friend wrote, that hilarious story that I need to read again to remember it, I was shocked. You were so funny, Grampa! I never knew. I didn't even know you, but I saw you enough that I should have. I should have gotten to know you because you were such an awesome person. Now I never will, but I still have my dad. My dad loved you and so did your daughters. They still do. And they miss you. I look for you at parties still. I want you to step out of that little silver car with Yaya, you from the driver's seat because she hates to drive, and smile that quiet smile that said so much when you said so little.

That's something that intrigues me--your affinity for telling a story so long-winded no one ever saw the end in sight, but you were so quiet. You were shy and humble, like a little mouse, but if you were interested in something, you would always want to know every single detail about it. You always asked me questions about school and what I was doing, but I never took the time to answer like I should have. I am sorry. I really do wish we could have known each other.

You were creative, a handy carpenter, a quietly loving father and grandfather, and a very caring husband. I really wish I had known that before it was too late. It's my fault and I know it, but I also know that I can read this letter to you someday, and we can discuss whatever we want. Can't wait to see you again, Grampa.

Until then,
Your Granddaughter

Day 10: Letter to Someone You Don't Talk To As Much As You'd Like

Yes, this is taking more than 30 days. Bite me. :) I'm a busy girl.


You were my very best friend for probably two years. You have built me up when I was in ruins, you have given me courage and strength when I had none, and you literally made me laugh every day. How can I ever thank you for pulling my butt out of the mucky quicksand I got myself into?

Remember Mrs. Beard's class? Remember how you sat in front of me and touched my hairy legs? (Gross) I miss that. I miss your crooked directions and your explosive laugh. I don't know why it's so hard to just pick up the phone and call or text. I guess I'm nervous. It's silly, but I am. Sometimes, I feel like you put a lot of stock in me. You joined theatre because I convinced you to and you trusted me. You trusted a lot of my decisions. What if I didn't turn out like you expected?

I don't know why I am so worried about it, but I am. It's like my life is one of your stories. You are really really reluctant to have someone actually take a look at it. Especially that ONE PERSON. You, for me, are that one person.

I hope you are well. I hope we can hang out soon. I hope you are doing better in college than I am.
I hope you'd still be my friend. I hope you are happy. I hope you will be successful in life.


Thursday, August 19, 2010

Day 9: Letter to Someone You Wish You Could Meet

Dear Vivien Leigh,

You are the absolute most beautiful woman on this planet. I watch you in Gone With The Wind and just can't even believe you're real. I want to watch all of your movies just to watch you walk around and talk. You just have this amazing power. It isn't overwhelming or obnoxious, it's just there in an almost visceral way. To watch you in the power struggle with Rhett Butler in the scene where he's drunk and you are in the red robe--it just gives me the chills every time. You have a backbone and I love it.

I don't know why, but you have just made such a huge impact on me. Maybe it's your surreal beauty or your stunning power, but mostly it's because I love your tenacity and willingness to work hard. I haven't seen you in anything but Gone With The Wind and yet you are my favorite actress. I would love to just sit down and talk to you. Even just to listen quietly to a conversation you are having with someone else would be wonderful to me. :)

I want to hear you tell your life story. I want to ask you about Sir Laurence Olivier and find out what you choose to tell me about, what's important to you. I want to ask about your previous husband and children and how you feel about your manic depression. I just want to know you.


Day 8: Letter to Your Favorite Internet Friend


I know it's weird to think of you as an "internet friend" because we've never actually spoken and I'm not sure you even know I exist, which is cool. :) The internet is a big place, but I don't care. I read your blog every time you write a new one.

Congratulations on your wedding. :) I love hearing about your interactions with Rick and I would love to hear about how your wedding went. Maybe I missed that blog (or something), but I feel like I'm in the dark. However, I do understand that your blog doesn't revolve around me. (haha)

I stumbled across you the day after you earned Blog of Note (quite deservedly, I must say) and I have been addicted to it ever since. You have such a great writing style, witty and sarcastic, but precise and clear. I find myself laughing out loud to your descriptions of TV shows I've never heard of and situations I have never been in. Basically, I live vicariously through you.

I'll bet you are a great teacher. I'll bet your husband is a lucky man (who laughs a lot). I'll bet you make a lot of great movie commentaries.

I don't know why I picture you so vividly, but you really have changed the way I view things. I tend to see the humor in things that would normally annoy me or make me lose all faith in humanity (The Bachelorette? Really?) As silly as it sounds, your blog makes me enjoy life a little more and for that I want to thank you. This is probably creepy, but I don't care that much. :) I think you're neat.


Day 7: Letter to Your Ex


Hey. Missed you tonight in the band. I hate when you don't come because you make things easier on me, reading my musical mind and everything. Wish you could come more often/find a mind-reading replacement.

Anyway, I'm really glad we have actually been able to remain friends. Not just awkward "Hello Friends" or fake friends who actually just want each other's bod or hate each other, but actual friends. When you needed advice, you called me. When I needed a friend at Cal Poly, I called you. Was it weird spending the days with you? Nope. Did Bryan care even a little? Nope.

I think the reason we are friends is because that's basically what we were. Yes, we did dumb things, too, that we shouldn't have done, but we weren't a good couple that way. We also didn't understand each other in a boyfriend/girlfriend kind of way and I see that now. Your sense of humor doesn't match my own and I'm too much of a fuddy duddy for you. That's fine. I'm honestly glad it didn't work out because we are much better as friends, truly. I love you, but I am not in love with you. Basically, I love you like I love Kevin or something like that and that's all it has ever been.

However, I think we were good for each other for that specific time. You helped me gather my self-esteem as much as I possibly could and I hope I helped you with something, too. I'm not sure because we haven't discussed it, but I really hope you didn't get left with nothing. You taught me a lot about myself, which is silly and self-absorbed, but true. I hope I taught you something as well. 

I am sad, though, that you aren't more mature. People can't depend on you because you are always late and you aren't that good of a problem solver/critical thinker. That is so weird to me because you are so freakin' ridiculously smart. I'll bet you could cure cancer, but you'd never be able to share the cure because you'd always be too late to the conference to tell people. Too bad.

I have considered asking you to stop playing with the band because you only play about half the time. However, I know you enjoy it and I know your heart is in the right place when you do play. It isn't for attention, though sometimes you take a Jurassic Park or La Bamba break during practice.

I think, though, that you would do well to seek God more diligently. Don't get caught up in the world like I have always feared you would. You're a good guy, but I'm not sure you have a place in a lot of social circles and that has always made me worry that you'd seek acceptance in the wrong places. Don't get swept up in things that will hurt you.

This letter is all over the place, but you know what? So is our strange relationship. See you at church. We have baby worship on Sunday.


Monday, August 16, 2010

Day 6: Letter To A Stranger

Dear Stranger,

We haven't met yet. I hope you don't think I'm crazy or weird. It's not like I really care that much, but chances are we will never talk to each other. I'm pretty shy. If I am with someone like Amanda or Bryan, I might talk to you, but the chances aren't that good. About a year ago I would have been all over that, shaking your hand and hugging you or whatever. I see you everywhere, Stranger. You are at the mall, at the beach, in some of my dreams. Sometimes you are in the mirror. It really depends on the day. But you know what? I don't mind you.


Sunday, August 15, 2010

Day 5: Letter to Your Dreams

Dear Dreams,

You are extremely bipolar. You either scare the crap out of me or make me cry of awesomeness. Sometimes I wish you'd come true, but other times you already are.

I don't know what else to say.


Saturday, August 14, 2010

Day 4: Letter to Your Sibling

I can't even believe you're 14. You are such an incredible kid. You get along with everyone, like Mikey does. Sometimes it scares me because I worry you'll start hanging out with bad kids, and so far that hasn't happened (as far as I know, at least).

You always play with me, even though I am not always that fun. You play Spore with me, and you wrestle, and whatever else we decide to do (prank call each other, keep each other in a room) you always make it fun. Even if it's just going to In N Out.

I really like that you like Bryan. You sort of remind me of him in little ways--the good ways. You get along with everyone, you are good at making people laugh and making everyone feel welcome. Watching you play with him is so freakin' adorable. You guys crack me up. :)

The other freakin' insane thing is that you're going to high school. WHAT THE HECK. You are still that little toehead with a bowl cut, running around playing Cowboy by himself. I am glad you have friends, but you've never needed them. You have always been good at entertaining yourself. High school will probably be relatively easy for you, as long as you don't get lazy. I hope you find a place you fit in like I did. It doesn't have to be theatre, as many times as I have told you that it does. As long as you are happy, it's all good. Just don't be a bad kid. Then I'll be sad.

Don't stop playing. Really. That is a huge part of who you are.


Friday, August 13, 2010

Day 3: Letter To Your Parents

Dear Mom and Dad,

First of all, thank you for everything you've done. You conceived/birthed me, you raised me, and you have been financially responsible for me for the past 18 years. I really do appreciate all of that. I have never been without something I needed and I probably never will be, God willing. You have been understanding when I couldn't get a job, supportive when I got kicked out of Cal Poly, and comforting the few times I have let you know I was upset.

I am sorry for keeping you out. I rarely let you into my emotions or problems. I am sorry for lying to you sometimes and I'm sorry for still living at home, even though at this point I should be more prepared to move out.

I know we haven't been super close since I started Kindergarten. I have found most of my parenting elsewhere because sometimes I did feel you were too harsh. I do appreciate you trying to keep me from boys until I was 16, because if I had done that, my life would have been a billion times easier. My life is full of those--if I had listened--so thank you for all your good advice.

I feel a lot better about you guys than I have in the past. For a long time, I dreamed of leaving; running away in the dead of night, turning off my phone and never looking back. I am glad I didn't.

I'm not sure what else to say. I've never been good at expressing myself to you, and apparently it doesn't start this letter.

I love you, even though I rarely say it. I do.


Thursday, August 12, 2010

Day Two: Your Crush

I have a feeling that I'll be writing a lot of different letters to the same people, but I'm ok with that.

I am not sure about writing this letter to you, because you are so much more than a crush. You are my Bryan, the love of my life, literally. I am excited to spend the rest of my life with you.

I was thinking today about when you were shorter than me. It was a LOOOOONG time ago. :) I don't remember much about you except your little bright boy face. You were always running around with the big kids so I never really hung out with you until junior high, and even then you didn't like me because I was retarded. I truly don't blame you.

Then in high school, we really started to click. I was always very nervous to be around you because I didn't want to be that tag along I had always been with Seth and Sam. You never made me feel like that, though. You made me laugh and you made me important, much like you do now.

Our relationship sounds like it would be really weird, what with the fact that I dated all your friends ( :/ ), but it isn't, thankfully. I love that you aren't a jealous person and that you accept every single part of me, good, bad, or ugly, and you always make me feel good, like every quality of mine, good or bad, makes me a beautiful person. You are patient and kind, loving and romantic. You know how to treat not only other girls, but also me individually; you are a gentleman and you make your mama proud. I love that. You are incredibly, unbelievably smart and you can fix anything. Whenever I have a problem with something not working how it should or a part missing or something (with projects or people or emotions, even), you are always the first person I turn to because I know you'll find a way to make it work. You helped fix me when I was broken and you have lovingly held me together at the times I thought I would crash to pieces. You make me laugh, you make me cry (always happy tears), you make me think, too.

I love that you aren't afraid to be real with me. You don't have to play Superman with me and I love that about you. You admit fault, sadness, anger. It takes a special kind of person to do that. You don't have any problems with my emotions, either, however crazy or unfounded they may be. Every tear means something with you. You never belittle me or stuff my emotions in a box. I always feel bad for crying or whatever because I know it's a waste of your time, but you never make me feel like that. Instead you make sure I know that I am always important to you.

Having you be away this summer has been really hard. I know that you know and I don't want to beat a dead horse, but it really has been. I am so glad you've been able to come home on the weekends, though. That made it livable. I can't wait for you to be home though. I hate this feeling that I'm taking you from your mama time when you visit, but it's always there. Only 9 more days.

All my love,

Day 1: Letter To Your Best Friend

Remember when I hated you, but now you're my best friend? Me too. We were so catty. I remember that Seven Brides rehearsal where I was trying to do something and you kept trying to change it and I almost hit you. Sorry for that. I didn't know you were so neat back then. I just thought you wanted to encroach on my turf and take all my friends and stuff.

I don't remember when I started to like you, but the first time I noticed was when you came to my house after that fight with my mom. You hugged me and pulled me by my hand into my room. You told me "Hey, it's ok to cry. It's always ok to cry" and then you held me as I cried, just like I have always thought a friend should do. No one friend has ever done that for me. That was my turning point with you.

I hope you know you are beautiful. You are good at everything and you are one of the brightest people I know, intellectually and personality-wise. You are usually encouraging, even when people are so down on themselves it's pitiful, like my mental inability to dance. You always teach me baby dance moves that don't make me cry. You take me shopping and make me feel pretty even if I feel like the fattest person on earth. You have a talent for making people happy.

I am sorry you are sometimes unhappy, though. A lot of people don't treat you like you should be treated. I always try to, but I'm sure I fail as well. You are a very emotional person and a small thing can set of a big reaction from you. I never mind, though, because I am the same way. I do like that we can cry with each other and not be awkward. I don't feel nervous when I have to cry in front of you. It just happens and even if you stare at me because I'm telling a story as I cry, I still feel like it's just another conversation.

You have helped me through some of the toughest times in my life and I owe you a lot. You, Bryan and Jill are the main reason I am a happy camper today. I remember just coming to school, my favorite place, and as soon as I got there you'd take one look at me and lead me over where no one could see me so I could cry my eyes out about the thing that was hurting me. You never looked annoyed, you never said "Oh, sorry, I'm having a bad day today and I don't want to help you". You looked at me, took my hand, and walked. Then you held me and told me it was ok to cry and it was ok to be sad sometimes. I never felt like it was until you said that.

I am glad we still talk. I'm glad we didn't phase out when I graduated, but I'm scared to death that you'll leave and we won't talk ever again. Just the thought of that is making me cry right now. I don't want you to leave. You're my best friend in the entire world and I need you here with me, as selfish as that is. If you leave, I'll be ok and I'll be happy for you if you're where you need to be, but I'll still miss you. I miss you right now and it's only been like 1 day since I saw you.

Part of me is a little sad I'm not writing this to Megan, but it's a tiny part because you were there when she abandoned me and you have been there when she hasn't been. You are a faithful friend, a true friend, a friend who goes the distance. When I say I love you, I really, really do. I honestly hope we stay friends forever. I will work to make sure it happens.

Stick around to be my bridesmaid. :) You'll look pretty in the dress, I promise.