Day 7: Letter to Your Ex

Bradley,

Hey. Missed you tonight in the band. I hate when you don't come because you make things easier on me, reading my musical mind and everything. Wish you could come more often/find a mind-reading replacement.

Anyway, I'm really glad we have actually been able to remain friends. Not just awkward "Hello Friends" or fake friends who actually just want each other's bod or hate each other, but actual friends. When you needed advice, you called me. When I needed a friend at Cal Poly, I called you. Was it weird spending the days with you? Nope. Did Bryan care even a little? Nope.

I think the reason we are friends is because that's basically what we were. Yes, we did dumb things, too, that we shouldn't have done, but we weren't a good couple that way. We also didn't understand each other in a boyfriend/girlfriend kind of way and I see that now. Your sense of humor doesn't match my own and I'm too much of a fuddy duddy for you. That's fine. I'm honestly glad it didn't work out because we are much better as friends, truly. I love you, but I am not in love with you. Basically, I love you like I love Kevin or something like that and that's all it has ever been.

However, I think we were good for each other for that specific time. You helped me gather my self-esteem as much as I possibly could and I hope I helped you with something, too. I'm not sure because we haven't discussed it, but I really hope you didn't get left with nothing. You taught me a lot about myself, which is silly and self-absorbed, but true. I hope I taught you something as well. 

I am sad, though, that you aren't more mature. People can't depend on you because you are always late and you aren't that good of a problem solver/critical thinker. That is so weird to me because you are so freakin' ridiculously smart. I'll bet you could cure cancer, but you'd never be able to share the cure because you'd always be too late to the conference to tell people. Too bad.

I have considered asking you to stop playing with the band because you only play about half the time. However, I know you enjoy it and I know your heart is in the right place when you do play. It isn't for attention, though sometimes you take a Jurassic Park or La Bamba break during practice.

I think, though, that you would do well to seek God more diligently. Don't get caught up in the world like I have always feared you would. You're a good guy, but I'm not sure you have a place in a lot of social circles and that has always made me worry that you'd seek acceptance in the wrong places. Don't get swept up in things that will hurt you.

This letter is all over the place, but you know what? So is our strange relationship. See you at church. We have baby worship on Sunday.

Jenelle