Day 29: Letter to the Person You Want To Tell Everything to, But Are Too Afraid

Dear Mom,

We have been doing a lot better than we ever have been at being friends and I am proud of us. You still get on my nerves and times and I know I get on yours as well.

However, I will never be able to tell you everything and I know that, too. I will never tell you how terrified of you I was, though you think you already know. I am still afraid most of the time, but now I deal with it more effectively. I will never be able to tell you of mistakes I've made and things I've done--not in the past and not recently. I know you won't get me in trouble or whatever, but I know you won't look at me the same either. You'll be disappointed and angry and I won't be able to tell you anything again.

I will never be able to tell you how you've hurt me, though I know I've hurt you, too. You've broken my heart many times, but you should never know that.

I will never be able to tell you that I have wished myself out of your house more times than I can count.

I will never be able to tell you how often I wished I had another mother.

I will never be able to tell you how often I wished you would leave me alone.

I will never be able to tell you how afraid I was that you really would.

You weren't a bad mother and you still aren't. In fact, you've gotten much better since I was young. I've gotten to be a better daughter, I think, as well. Hopefully I have.

I don't mind not telling you these things. Some things are meant to be kept a secret--especially hurtful things that would have no benefit from being told.

Hopefully things continue to look up for us,
Jenelle