Chere,
We haven't spoken much, but I really look up to you. You are everything I have ever wanted to be. You are in charge of your own life as much as anyone can be. Even your hair obeys your every command. In fact, even MY hair obeys your commands.
You are funny and outgoing. You get along with everyone I have seen you come into contact with. I am always nervous when you come down because I don't want to screw anything up and I feel the need to impress you, but as soon as I start talking to you, I immediately relax. You have that effect on people, whether you know it or not. You make people feel at ease and important. I think that's one of the many reasons you will be/are a good foster mom. You and Tim are such great people and one of the most inspiring couples I've ever met. You compliment each other so well and I really look up to you.
Christian is very lucky to have you and I know that you will change his life, even if he doesn't remember your time with him specifically. God is using your open hearts to change people and you have opened your home to a stranger's child. I hope God uses him to change you as much as you change him.
I wish we could talk more, because I really do like you and Tim a lot. I enjoyed working with you before the wedding and I just love when you come down. You are the most sunshiny person I know.
Jenelle
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
Day 15: Letter to the Person You Miss The Most
Boodles,
I miss you. Come back home. It kills me that you're gone.
When people say your name or ask where you are, it kills me a little.
Jenelle.
I miss you. Come back home. It kills me that you're gone.
When people say your name or ask where you are, it kills me a little.
Jenelle.
Day 14: Letter to Someone You Drifted Away From
Paige,
I actually only just remembered that we were close friends during summer school. You actually helped me through a really rough time in my life, but I don't think you know that. Because I never said it, I really want to take this time to thank you.
At the beginning of summer school, I knew I was in trouble. I didn't have any friends and I'm shy as it is. I don't remember the details of the first days, but I know that Megan wasn't talking to me and she wasn't in my class and I was scared to be alone for the next however many weeks.
I don't know who approached who and I don't remember how it started, but I do remember that I was very thankful for--and a little intimidated by--you. You listened with an impartial ear to whatever problems I had that day and you never seemed too annoyed. You introduced me to new music (including my favorite from that time on, Les Miserables the musical) and new ideas. Best of all, you opened up to me, too, and didn't make me feel like a huge dork like I usually do. For that I am the most grateful.
I am actually pretty sad that we don't talk anymore. We talked a bit in the times following that summer and were sort of on the threshold of being close a few times, but we never really caved and became good friends. I want you to be aware that if you need anything at all, even if it's random, I am still here and I will do my best to cave this time.
I actually really look up to you. You carry yourself as a confident, intelligent, fashionable young woman who has her shit together. I envy those things in you. You always look great and you are one of the smartest people I know. I just think you're neat.
Make right choices. You have every single tool you could possibly have to help you succeed.
Gratefully,
Jenelle
I actually only just remembered that we were close friends during summer school. You actually helped me through a really rough time in my life, but I don't think you know that. Because I never said it, I really want to take this time to thank you.
At the beginning of summer school, I knew I was in trouble. I didn't have any friends and I'm shy as it is. I don't remember the details of the first days, but I know that Megan wasn't talking to me and she wasn't in my class and I was scared to be alone for the next however many weeks.
I don't know who approached who and I don't remember how it started, but I do remember that I was very thankful for--and a little intimidated by--you. You listened with an impartial ear to whatever problems I had that day and you never seemed too annoyed. You introduced me to new music (including my favorite from that time on, Les Miserables the musical) and new ideas. Best of all, you opened up to me, too, and didn't make me feel like a huge dork like I usually do. For that I am the most grateful.
I am actually pretty sad that we don't talk anymore. We talked a bit in the times following that summer and were sort of on the threshold of being close a few times, but we never really caved and became good friends. I want you to be aware that if you need anything at all, even if it's random, I am still here and I will do my best to cave this time.
I actually really look up to you. You carry yourself as a confident, intelligent, fashionable young woman who has her shit together. I envy those things in you. You always look great and you are one of the smartest people I know. I just think you're neat.
Make right choices. You have every single tool you could possibly have to help you succeed.
Gratefully,
Jenelle
Day 13: Letter to Someone You Wish You Could Forgive
To My Cousin:
I suppose this letter should go to someone else, because I actually have forgiven you. But I am writing this to you because I will never forget and what you did changed our relationship forever. I am sad that we can't be friends anymore, but I do wish you the best.
I hope everything works out with you where you are. I hope the baby changes you and makes you want to be a better, more responsible person. I hope you take care of her and nurture her and protect her. Be good to her because you are there with her for a reason.
I wish things had played out differently. If I had just slept in the other room...If only I had been stronger...If only you had listened...
Oh well. It doesn't matter now. Things played out the way they did and I just hope that it was meant to be that way because it changed us for the better.
Good luck and smooth sailing.
Jenelle
I suppose this letter should go to someone else, because I actually have forgiven you. But I am writing this to you because I will never forget and what you did changed our relationship forever. I am sad that we can't be friends anymore, but I do wish you the best.
I hope everything works out with you where you are. I hope the baby changes you and makes you want to be a better, more responsible person. I hope you take care of her and nurture her and protect her. Be good to her because you are there with her for a reason.
I wish things had played out differently. If I had just slept in the other room...If only I had been stronger...If only you had listened...
Oh well. It doesn't matter now. Things played out the way they did and I just hope that it was meant to be that way because it changed us for the better.
Good luck and smooth sailing.
Jenelle
Day 12: Letter to The Person You Hate The Most
Warning: This may get ugly.
Dear Dickhead.
Get out. I do not want you near her. I do not want to hear your name spoken ever again. I do not like you. I do not tolerate you. You are the scum of the earth. You will not survive where you are. I actually hope you succeed and are taken away forever to some distant place, far away from her. Get your slithering appendages away or I will remove that burden from your body. Do not touch her. Do not talk to her. Do not say her name and ESPECIALLY do not call her pet names. You make me sick. When I think about you, I am immediately filled with such a rage as I have never felt before.
I wish you didn't have such control over me, and that is something I'm working on. In the Bible, it mentions that if you hate someone, it's the same as killing them. Well, in your case, right now I feel like it's worth it. Just saying. You are the worst of the worst and I will never like you. I will eventually forgive you, but that would involve you going away and stop doing what it is I need to forgive you for. You are an evil son of a bitch and your parents clearly did a horrible job with you and your dick brother. What she sees in you I will never know.
I know in my heart that you are a liar and a cheat. You come in to our lives and rape, steal, and pillage anything that you can. If I had my way, you wouldn't even be able to write or send letters. In fact, you probably wouldn't have hands if I had it my way. I don't want you touching her like you touched all those others. You are filthy and I spit on you.
Jenelle
Dear Dickhead.
Get out. I do not want you near her. I do not want to hear your name spoken ever again. I do not like you. I do not tolerate you. You are the scum of the earth. You will not survive where you are. I actually hope you succeed and are taken away forever to some distant place, far away from her. Get your slithering appendages away or I will remove that burden from your body. Do not touch her. Do not talk to her. Do not say her name and ESPECIALLY do not call her pet names. You make me sick. When I think about you, I am immediately filled with such a rage as I have never felt before.
I wish you didn't have such control over me, and that is something I'm working on. In the Bible, it mentions that if you hate someone, it's the same as killing them. Well, in your case, right now I feel like it's worth it. Just saying. You are the worst of the worst and I will never like you. I will eventually forgive you, but that would involve you going away and stop doing what it is I need to forgive you for. You are an evil son of a bitch and your parents clearly did a horrible job with you and your dick brother. What she sees in you I will never know.
I know in my heart that you are a liar and a cheat. You come in to our lives and rape, steal, and pillage anything that you can. If I had my way, you wouldn't even be able to write or send letters. In fact, you probably wouldn't have hands if I had it my way. I don't want you touching her like you touched all those others. You are filthy and I spit on you.
Jenelle
Friday, August 27, 2010
Day 11: Letter To A Deceased Person You Wish You Could Talk To
Grampa,
How strange to talk directly to you after years of avoiding it. How I regret that. I realize now that you are a lot like my dad, or rather, that my dad is a lot like you. Very technical, mechanical, and detailed, both of you are extremely prone to have long, long conversations. But that's ok. I'm learning to understand you better through your son. I'll bet you're proud of him.
I wonder sometimes if you have regrets about your life. I wonder how often you thought of that time of just hardly being--that time no one really talks about. I wonder how you found Jesus and how you and Yaya lived together. I cry thinking about her and her loss of you, you know. She misses you. We all do.
What makes me sick about myself is that I never really noticed you. You were always, always there. You were there with a smile and a hug and stories to tell, but I never understood that you actually loved us. You were mechanical beyond my understanding and I could never follow all the details of your stories, but you put them in there because you wanted me to understand. Come to think of it, I can't really remember a story that you told me. I am so guilty of ignoring you. I can never begin to describe how sorry I am for that.
When they read that story you and a friend wrote, that hilarious story that I need to read again to remember it, I was shocked. You were so funny, Grampa! I never knew. I didn't even know you, but I saw you enough that I should have. I should have gotten to know you because you were such an awesome person. Now I never will, but I still have my dad. My dad loved you and so did your daughters. They still do. And they miss you. I look for you at parties still. I want you to step out of that little silver car with Yaya, you from the driver's seat because she hates to drive, and smile that quiet smile that said so much when you said so little.
That's something that intrigues me--your affinity for telling a story so long-winded no one ever saw the end in sight, but you were so quiet. You were shy and humble, like a little mouse, but if you were interested in something, you would always want to know every single detail about it. You always asked me questions about school and what I was doing, but I never took the time to answer like I should have. I am sorry. I really do wish we could have known each other.
You were creative, a handy carpenter, a quietly loving father and grandfather, and a very caring husband. I really wish I had known that before it was too late. It's my fault and I know it, but I also know that I can read this letter to you someday, and we can discuss whatever we want. Can't wait to see you again, Grampa.
Until then,
Your Granddaughter
How strange to talk directly to you after years of avoiding it. How I regret that. I realize now that you are a lot like my dad, or rather, that my dad is a lot like you. Very technical, mechanical, and detailed, both of you are extremely prone to have long, long conversations. But that's ok. I'm learning to understand you better through your son. I'll bet you're proud of him.
I wonder sometimes if you have regrets about your life. I wonder how often you thought of that time of just hardly being--that time no one really talks about. I wonder how you found Jesus and how you and Yaya lived together. I cry thinking about her and her loss of you, you know. She misses you. We all do.
What makes me sick about myself is that I never really noticed you. You were always, always there. You were there with a smile and a hug and stories to tell, but I never understood that you actually loved us. You were mechanical beyond my understanding and I could never follow all the details of your stories, but you put them in there because you wanted me to understand. Come to think of it, I can't really remember a story that you told me. I am so guilty of ignoring you. I can never begin to describe how sorry I am for that.
When they read that story you and a friend wrote, that hilarious story that I need to read again to remember it, I was shocked. You were so funny, Grampa! I never knew. I didn't even know you, but I saw you enough that I should have. I should have gotten to know you because you were such an awesome person. Now I never will, but I still have my dad. My dad loved you and so did your daughters. They still do. And they miss you. I look for you at parties still. I want you to step out of that little silver car with Yaya, you from the driver's seat because she hates to drive, and smile that quiet smile that said so much when you said so little.
That's something that intrigues me--your affinity for telling a story so long-winded no one ever saw the end in sight, but you were so quiet. You were shy and humble, like a little mouse, but if you were interested in something, you would always want to know every single detail about it. You always asked me questions about school and what I was doing, but I never took the time to answer like I should have. I am sorry. I really do wish we could have known each other.
You were creative, a handy carpenter, a quietly loving father and grandfather, and a very caring husband. I really wish I had known that before it was too late. It's my fault and I know it, but I also know that I can read this letter to you someday, and we can discuss whatever we want. Can't wait to see you again, Grampa.
Until then,
Your Granddaughter
Day 10: Letter to Someone You Don't Talk To As Much As You'd Like
Yes, this is taking more than 30 days. Bite me. :) I'm a busy girl.
Cesar,
You were my very best friend for probably two years. You have built me up when I was in ruins, you have given me courage and strength when I had none, and you literally made me laugh every day. How can I ever thank you for pulling my butt out of the mucky quicksand I got myself into?
Remember Mrs. Beard's class? Remember how you sat in front of me and touched my hairy legs? (Gross) I miss that. I miss your crooked directions and your explosive laugh. I don't know why it's so hard to just pick up the phone and call or text. I guess I'm nervous. It's silly, but I am. Sometimes, I feel like you put a lot of stock in me. You joined theatre because I convinced you to and you trusted me. You trusted a lot of my decisions. What if I didn't turn out like you expected?
I don't know why I am so worried about it, but I am. It's like my life is one of your stories. You are really really reluctant to have someone actually take a look at it. Especially that ONE PERSON. You, for me, are that one person.
I hope you are well. I hope we can hang out soon. I hope you are doing better in college than I am.
I hope you'd still be my friend. I hope you are happy. I hope you will be successful in life.
Jenelle
Cesar,
You were my very best friend for probably two years. You have built me up when I was in ruins, you have given me courage and strength when I had none, and you literally made me laugh every day. How can I ever thank you for pulling my butt out of the mucky quicksand I got myself into?
Remember Mrs. Beard's class? Remember how you sat in front of me and touched my hairy legs? (Gross) I miss that. I miss your crooked directions and your explosive laugh. I don't know why it's so hard to just pick up the phone and call or text. I guess I'm nervous. It's silly, but I am. Sometimes, I feel like you put a lot of stock in me. You joined theatre because I convinced you to and you trusted me. You trusted a lot of my decisions. What if I didn't turn out like you expected?
I don't know why I am so worried about it, but I am. It's like my life is one of your stories. You are really really reluctant to have someone actually take a look at it. Especially that ONE PERSON. You, for me, are that one person.
I hope you are well. I hope we can hang out soon. I hope you are doing better in college than I am.
I hope you'd still be my friend. I hope you are happy. I hope you will be successful in life.
Jenelle
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